Things that fill me with fear, uneasity and dread [university] make me not want to even make the effort because they might not deliver.

And it really is weird, but strangely pro-active, for me to be practising my writing as if there is an audience. I guess that's what all writing is at the end of the day, and I cant imagine what form writing would take if you wrote without an intended/imagined receiver.

I reckon i'd just feel there was no point, but maybe I should try it. Find value in things just for me, rather than trying to deliver to others all the time.

My freak inability to draw has now transfetred itself over to this blog, where i'm afraid to write anything in fear that it wont be of any value to me, or anyone else, or as great as I would like it to be, or as useful and 'door-opening' as I would love it to be.

I guess i'm facing a situation where I wont know unless I try it, which I should apply to the course, but even that doesn't seem to be driving me.

But i'm trying this, aren't I? There's more to come.

You're so money

Had no idea how captivating and potentially useful watching the end 10 of The Break Up was going to be.
Smiles.

Mae I borrow

I'm gonna wake up every morning and make it mine.

Teacher!

I have an amazing ability to help everyone but myself.

I'm going to be pretty told off/ignored tomorrow. And I guess I deserve it!
Hest of the moment. To some extent I still agree with it, but would I if I was happy here? I guess not really. Which is something pretty big I need to accept for all this to ever work.

I have no right to be angry. Though, this needs to be a balance as i've kept saying. At the moment my bum is high above the ground.
Right?

Interpret that!

Guy

16/11/2009
22:59:52
Jack
Joseph
tbh I havent blogged in a while
16/11/2009
22:59:59
Joseph
Jack
do it
16/11/2009
23:00:08
Joseph
Jack
always a thought provoking read
16/11/2009
23:00:30
Joseph
Jack
alternatively
16/11/2009
23:00:42
Joseph
Jack
put your emotional state into penning some great lines for the film
16/11/2009
23:00:49
Jack
Joseph
or artwork
16/11/2009
23:00:56
Joseph
Jack
yawn

A bullet point.

That weird thing where you see a name written down and it carries with it all the weight, good and bad, of the person themselves. You sit thinking of the person all via seeing the name written in front of you. But people change, as do your emotions, and thus the names change too back to literal text that engages your sight only. It's odd but suddenly 'X' no longer resonates with you, and is just another name in the library of your relationships. You've learnt to access the person simply through physically being with them, rather than 'seeing' them, incorrectly, through your own thought and over analysis. Again, this can be good and bad. It can excite you and many enjoy dwelling upon these positive thoughts about the person. For me, it's gotten pretty paralysing. A constant reminder that whilst you've been getting on with your day and reckoning you've made a pretty good go of it [which is another point - why am I analysing my days to ensure that they've been alright for memories and comparison to others?], suddenly a name appears in front of you. In all your analysis, and more so in your over analysis, it reminds you that they've been living too, without you, and you cant help but feel that they have had a much better time than you.

What's in a name? A lot of emotional baggage.

The vast approach to Midnight

What a lovely treat new music is.

Things to look foward to:

The Winter of Mixed Drinks
Seeing this very band in the New Year
Getting into/perhaps seeing Jetpacks [Conductor live, mannnnn]
Further delving deeper into the new Dashboard [and anticipating Wire Tapes Vol. 2, and the NFG/Dash split record]
McFly new album, Jack's Man new alb, Person L new alb, TSL reforming, SoCo reforming too
Radical Face to play with
The continued efforts of Mae which never fall flat
Acoustic La Roux cover
Doing some singing of my own and finally, finally learning to play.

I love how Frightened Rabbit have changed everything. I love what they mean. I love how I found them unexpectedly, and didn't ever expect them to become such a significant thing for me. I love to remember having their MySpace page playing away whilst You came over, and slowly discovering the meaning, at least for me, and us, of Good Arms vs. Bad Arms, and what it represents, as we drove around. I love to drive fast to The Modern Leper and Fast Blood, and dance to The Twist and Old Old Fashioned. I love that finally i've given Joe something back via this band, and that I like to think it probably makes up for everything he's sent my way. I love how they've solidified my love for all things Scot, and have led to other bands as a result. They've provided the soundtrack to this past year so fittingly. It's a shame we couldn't have tied everything up by seeing them tonight, but then i love how we'll have a whole new record when we do finally see them next year. I love the new single too, which can only make me even more positive for Mixed Drinks, and thus am a happy man tonight.
If a little gay, going by this post.

Whilst walking past Aardman

Just to record the idea, not to really explore it anymore than I have already in my own head.
I'm sure I will revisit it, but only when it starts to feel legitimate again. It has the potential to all be inaccurate.

- The idea that this was meant to be the start of everything for me;
- That I hadn't really found myself with everything leading up to this new challenge, but had begun to explore just who I am and what makes me happy this past year and would then use this rolling ball to tackle this next stage and really come into my own. I honestly anticipated this.
- That this past year was simply the prologue to the rest of my near future.
- That I would immeadiately find my place in the world of drawing again and hold no regrets.
- That it was not going to be anything like it has been. Again, sincerely believed this. I had no reason not to.

X [For you]

The Moshuns

If this is chemical oh
If this is chemical oh
If this is chemical oh
If this is chemical

keeps me going.

K?

The more people I talk to, the greater the chance that nugget of advice that will change everything for me will be conjured.
Is my reasoning.

[ : ]

Just thinking about how I reckon a book about my life could be as entertaining, if not more, than any of the books about celebrities that flood the shelves every week. Why must the person be famous for someone to be able to invest interest into the autobiography? I guess it's because you could find some kind of comfort in the celebrity factor, allowing you to genuinely believe it all as true. Someone you dont know who writes a book isn't necessarily going to write a work of fiction, but it seems because they are unfamiliar to you, it certainly feels that way. It could def be as interesting and worthwhile to read. I just dont get how knowing this person exists for definite [without actually truly knowing them] and being able to see them all the time in their line of work makes their stories more captivating and worthy of your time and also, more legitimate!

I guess what i'm saying is if I wrote a book about my life so far, minus the celeb factor, it should have everything to be as interesting and entertaining as Richard Hammond's autobiography,

Fact

Single-worded degrees sound much better.