Monday, 16 November 2009

A bullet point.

That weird thing where you see a name written down and it carries with it all the weight, good and bad, of the person themselves. You sit thinking of the person all via seeing the name written in front of you. But people change, as do your emotions, and thus the names change too back to literal text that engages your sight only. It's odd but suddenly 'X' no longer resonates with you, and is just another name in the library of your relationships. You've learnt to access the person simply through physically being with them, rather than 'seeing' them, incorrectly, through your own thought and over analysis. Again, this can be good and bad. It can excite you and many enjoy dwelling upon these positive thoughts about the person. For me, it's gotten pretty paralysing. A constant reminder that whilst you've been getting on with your day and reckoning you've made a pretty good go of it [which is another point - why am I analysing my days to ensure that they've been alright for memories and comparison to others?], suddenly a name appears in front of you. In all your analysis, and more so in your over analysis, it reminds you that they've been living too, without you, and you cant help but feel that they have had a much better time than you.

What's in a name? A lot of emotional baggage.

No comments:

Post a Comment