Something else, also terrible.

Cloverfield is the ultimate filmmmmm.
Even now, whenever I see Clovie for the first time in a viewing, I still get chills.
I wonder if we could write in a substantially-sized aquatic monster from the farthest depths of the ocean into our film set in Grove, Joe?
That could well be the 'ridiculous' side story i'm desperate for.
Imagine the songs we could pick for those scenes, too.

I'm definitely going to spend the rest of my time working on anything film based, doing the odd drawing for people, and occasionally myself, here and there. Drawings I do should be film based too though, like trying to capture something cinematic about our location. But, i'm not sure what we have in mind will require anything too visually captivating. It's mostly going to be two people chatting. We might throw some van Sant in there, but the film's heart is in its story. Which means I do need to commit to the writing stage of the process and that's a little daunting.

Actually though, i'm not even sure Joe wants to do it anymore. Something about it being too unoriginal? Which means I can write my sitcom! Or we can plan our podcast!

I think that with the world we live in now ie. the fact we have the internet, and therefore constant exposure to stories of success and 'making it' in the entertainment industry, we forget that it really is such a small percentage of all effort towards such that we do hear about. With whatever I think of now creatively, I want it to be this amazing, original, revolutionary concept that will earn me recognition. I cant help it, and it plagues me, as now i'm too afraid to even do anything in fear of wasting time or it not being this elusive 'great' idea i'm chasing. I forget that it is very likely that I have so much time for 'getting somewhere', and that once i'm at uni, I wont really think about it as i'll be creating new things - although forced and necessary - and so it really is just the fact that I hate the idea that i've completed wasted my year that makes me so desperate to do devise this amazing thing. But it's this desperation that makes it even harder. It happens probably daily. I'll be thinking about things I could be doing, going through loads of ideas, but afraid to follow any up or even write any down in my frustration with their inferiority. At uni, it should be fine, as i'll be doing work contributing to something, I have an end goal. Plus, I should be much more inspired there. I'm such an end goal person. The way I see it, i've been going at full speed for such a long time, working my way through all these different short term tasks, being able to see my immeadiate direction ahead. Now, it's like i've been running through the thick forest, never seeing ahead, and have suddenly escpaed the trees only to find a sheer drop, a cliff edge, looking out to an expansive ocean or space that I need to reach and fill in some way. And it's completely up to me how I go about doing that. It's the complete contrast to what i've been used to. That terrifies me. For such a long time it's just like i've been sitting there looking out at the expansive space, my legs dangling over the edge, but i've been too scared and/or lazy to engage with it.
Now, that is in the film.


Right, I just need to finish this one drawing i'm currently on as i've said that i'd do it for someone, and then I can get to work on the rest of my life.