The number times I reckon i've whacked the kettle on boil today, just to give me some false sense that i'm doing something with my time. The issue is the fact that I never return to fix myself some coffee or whatever.
It's like in that split second, I find comfort in the fact I have maybe 3 minutes to wait for the boil. That's what i'll be doing next, making a lovely cup of coffee for myself. So for those 3 minutes i'm happy, I know exactly what i'm doing next, and I dont have to worry about actually sitting down and thinking about what I could be and should be doing. Short term relief suits me like I cant even describe. When I need to make a car journey, i'm happy cause there's literally nothing else I can do [ie. worry about my life] whilst i'm driving. When I go to work, I know I have a number of hours where i've been employed to actually do something and thus I cant get out of it. Or, more that I dont have to worry about doing anything else for that time because I have no other choice. Sitting at home, yeah, I have a bucnh of choices.
I then usually find some reason to leave the room before its boiled and only really remember what's happened when I next return to click the kettle on once more. And yeah, i'd say there's a good chance the exact same set of events takes place.
It just seems like a great analogy for a possible life I face. I could easily fall into a pattern of always clicking on the kettle, but then leaving the room without seeing things through to the boil. I might find something that I feel is good for the time being, it gives me something to do whilst only having to worry about the immeadiate future, but wont make me that cup of coffee I so desperately seek cause i'll never let myself get remotely near to that place, nor do I think i'll even look ahead hopefully for it. I wont even get the milk out.
Right now I cant see it, but maybe a day'll come that i'm standing with a spoon in one hand and the milk in the other, coffee already in the cup ready to be made a reality, with the moment perfectly scored by the nearby boil of water.
Or something less self-absorbed and neurotic.
Today was not all bad, however. Sketch coming soon.